An open letter to persons in their twenties

Storage It is Friday and Fridays are for fun but today I am going to address a serious topic, seriously. If you are in your twenties this may not apply to you but it may apply to you and to some in their 30's, 40's and gee I hope not 50's, but who knows.

Dear person in their twenties,

It is wonderful that you got that new job and were able to move out of your folks place a mere eight years after you graduated from college. I know you will be turning 30 this year and you have accomplished much in your short life.

Your parents love you, we always have and we would do most anything for you and we probably have and we are very proud of you.

There is one thing that you need to know. We are not being honest with you about something. We have kept a secret from you all these years, and it has nothing to do with auntie  Sue or that one incident a few years back at the water park. We know you did not do that on purpose.

We want to tell you that we are very tired of the boxes and storage bins in the basement and the bike, sports equipment and roller blades in the garage. We understand that you also regret having purchased that tacky piece of furniture that you bought the first time you moved out but left stored in the basement this last time you moved out. We hate it too, and yes you may move back in that is true, even though we had the locks changed and you know the secret about the back door, you will find a way, but I suspect you won't want to use the furniture as you seem to hate it so.

Even though we love you and would do most anything for you we don't want to provide storage for your stuff anymore.  We would like to use our basements and garages and attics for something else now. We have our own tacky furniture that needs to be stored and most of our closets are over flowing as we have not moved in years and have not had any place to put anything in decades.

It would be heavenly to be able to walk to the washer without tripping over something and honestly the furnace and water heater have always wanted  a room of their own, they watch and wait silently as the stuff piles up around them.   Last time we had a repair man here he couldn't even find the furnace, I guess he wasn't much of a repair man.  I never saw him leave the house, he may still be down in the basement looking for the furnace, I guess we don't know for sure, but hope not because they charge by the hour. 

Please come over for dinner tonight.  We promise to cook something you really like, and buy a couple of bottles of wine, or maybe you would enjoy a beer instead.   Bring a friend or significant other and a moving van. We will even front you the cash so that you can rent it. After dinner kindly remove your stuff. Don't make me have to write this twice.  I may be old but I am still your mother and even though you are bigger than I am I can still kick your butt, or at the very least make you feel guilty.

Thanks, your loving mother.

PS if you read this after the garage sale please accept my apologies, I know I should have sent a text message but for some things 140 characters are not enough.

Oh and while I am at it I would not mind being a grandmother some day. I saved your crib and pookie your stuffed rabbit just in case.

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15 Replies to “An open letter to persons in their twenties”

  1. I LOVE this post! I suspect there may be many who will read this and thank you for writing it, and who knows – it just may become one of the most forwarded posts ever!

  2. Cristy De La Cruz says:

    Teresa, this is brilliant. I just love it! I think it speaks to every empty nester parent I have ever known! (Let me know if it works.)

  3. Rick Sterling says:

    So funny …. but true. Great!

  4. Sounds too personal to have been just made up! I hope your child(ren) are listening! Very, very cute! And I can relate…

  5. One of your best. From my vantage point, the teens and single digits are going to be storing everything they own on their iPhones as adults, so hopefully there will be space for furniture and sporting goods on those things by the time mine reach 30.

  6. HA! I love it. I have heard this before (from my dad). I didn’t get the garage sale memo either. So long Light Bright, it was nice knowing you…

  7. This one hit home! My dad is moving after 43 years in the same home. Having grew up dirt poor in the depression, he never tossed anything. So I got “the call” two weeks ago to come and gather anything of mine that still remains. (Embarrassed to admit there was MUCH more there than I imagined!)

  8. teresa boardman says:

    Don – it takes a special kind of person to make such a public confession

    Will – I now have an erector set. I decided to keep it.

    Bob – some of it is my personal experience and some is that of a neighbor and some clients of mine. None of it is made up, just a kind of put together.

    Thanks Greg and Cristy . . by the way I am wondering if either of you have stuff in someone basement?

  9. As I mentioned on twitter, you must have been talking to my mom! Except the kids part, I fulfilled that part of the obligation šŸ™‚

  10. I’m rolling on the floor laughing. Title should be, ‘Open Letter to person’s in their twenties and THIRTIES!’

  11. Dear Mother (and all mothers whose house still holds your adult child’s junk),

    Please throw out or sell whatever I’ve left. I just couldn’t do it because I am lazy and lack the ambition to throw out my old stuff. I couldn’t bring myself to throw out the stuffed Grover dolls and my beloved dolls with movable eyes. Plus the idea of losing a good Saturday morning to cleaning out your old place doesn’t excite me. I’ve moved on Mom and I left you to clean up as usual.

    Honestly, I have no idea what I left at home. But if I wanted it I would have taken it. Please do not pack it and bring it to my house or leave it on my stoop while I am at work. Being ambushed by my old stuff at my new sexy pad is no fun at all.

    And Mom please do me a favor – put my high school cheerleading jacket into the garbage as it looks strange to see a woman in her 60’s wearing a cheer jacket with a huge megaphone on her back and my name embroidered on the front.

  12. teresa boardman says:

    Dear Queen of Click.

    Obviously you think moms have nothing better to do then spend endless hours going through boxes and throwing stuff out. Not to mention hauling things up steep flights of stairs and having to deal with furniture that is so heavy all you can do is take it apart and haul it up one piece at a time. Yes mothers are special but we are not invincible and some of us lack the upper body strength to deal with decades of junk. Please bring come back home and throw your own jacket in the garbage before you are too old to climb the steps.

  13. Very well said! Thanks for the laughs!

  14. No PROBLEM! says:

    Dear Mom and Dad-

    Now that the housing bubble is over and every house on the block is plummeting in value, I may be able to finally purchase a storage unit/house of my very own.

    Regrettably, the massive rise in the price of college tuition and pretty much everything else, thanks to the credit fueled boomers and their instant gratification “needs”, I have been priced out of the job market, the housing market, and pretty much everything else.

    One minor issue will the massively higher taxes I will have to pay to cover the profligacy of that sainted generation, even as they slink off into retirement and their Social Security payments.

    No problem though, we all have to pay our ‘fair share’, even though it is a different “we” that pays than the “we” that collects. Such trivial distinctions weary the mind, however.

    My crap will be out of your basement by midnight tonight. No meal necessary.

    It’s going on ebay, and I’m moving in with a buddy who has a spare room, since I just lost my job, again to the economic catastrophe that has been thrust upon us. Who would have guessed that The Generation Who Knew It All would have failed to save a single nickel at the private, corporate, or government level? Haha, those silly boomers, always living in the moment.

    And sorry about the grandkids. Too expensive I’m afraid.


    Your very broke and student loan burdened Gen-X offspring.

  15. teresa boardman says:

    No Problem,

    Thanks. You always did have your act together. I hope your buddy has an extra spare room. As you know your dad works in the automotive industry. He turns 61 this week and it looks like he will be laid off before he can retire. I am one of the few, maybe the only boomer who saved for retirement but regrettably most of it went when the stock market tanked last fall. The house isn’t worth much now so there won’t be any money from it’s sale and as you know the housing market has contracted and my income with it. It took me until I was 30 to pay off my college loans because I didn’t borrow much and worked a full time job while in college. The year I graduated we had the highest unemployment rate ever. After your dad and I got married interest rate on mortgages were in 18% land so we didn’t get to buy a house right away either which is why you had to share a room with your sister until you were 7.

    We did have it easier than you have it. No generation has ever had it as hard as you have it. You grandparents love to talk about the great depression and how hard it was for their parents to afford food and shoes but they have nothing on you.

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