I am Fine, Now go Away.

That tittle sounds a little cranky for  Friday, Friday's are for fun.  Today I want to go on a little rant.    I need to rant now and then it keeps me from hurting people.

My phone rings incessantly.  I know what you are thinking, a Realtor with a phone that rings is a good thing.  It isn't always a good thing.   Yesterday I killed the batteries on two out of three phones  long before quitting time.  That would make a another good rant, batteries . . oh that's right I have written that one already. :)

Yesterday I got one of the typical phone calls that make me crazy.  Yes I am crazy.   I am driving down a narrow street taking extra care not to run over the little children, my future clients,  pouring out of the school buses.  My phone rings and I grab it but only becasue I am negotiating the sale of one of my listings and am expecting a call.

I can't watch the road and the children and everything else and see my caller ID.  Actually I can't really see the caller ID at all but if I get the area code I have a clue.  I won't answer if it comes up as "unknown" or is a number with a west coast area code, at least not while I am driving.

The call starts out as they so often do: "hello my name is Mary Smith, how are you today?"  I am thinking  just kill me now, I can't beleive I was stupid enough to pick up the phone, like I need to talk to Mary Smith, and I am positive she doesn't give a rip how I am doing.  I should tell her the truth, maybe I could even make her cry.

I don't say any of those things.  I say what I am supposed to say, fine, and I say it using my very terse indoor voice.   I am thinking about the bus and debating if I should throw the phone down so that I can navigate with both hands.

Most of the, "how are you" callers ask if it is a good time to talk.  I usually say no it isn't.  Then they ask for a time when I can talk.  I usually respond with  never, try email.   They find me through this blog and my email address is super easy to see yet they call me on my cell phone when I am driving so they can ask me how I am.  Next time I get one of those calls I am going scream  into the phone and say that  my  air bag going off,  and then hang up.

So once Mary determines that I am fine she cuts to the chase.  She has an excellent product and she knows that I am interested in and it will help me.  I am thinking to my self, please go away, I am so far beyond help.  Why doesn't anyone ever call me just to ask how I am?  I just knew it was too good to be true that someone would care enough to give me a call.  The only people who call me are people who want something. 

Mary talks too slow.  She can't hold my attention.  I am  focused on the man  with the dog and the long cane trying to cross the street.  I am trying to decided if I should slow down or speed up.  I guess I know the answer to that one I just want to make sure that everyone else does.  I stop for the man and wait until he has crossed the street.

Mary is still talking to me.  It is costing me money too.  She has invited herself into my car and I get to pay for the privilege of listening to her.  Finally when I see the little girl with the backpack, right in front of my car,  looking at me through the windshield, I decide I have had enough of Mary.  I say look Mary, I don't have any money and I never buy anything.  I have just been released from prison,  where I was incarcerated for 6 days for hurting a telemarketer, I guess if she would have lived I would not have gotten off so easy.   

I was touched that you asked me how I am.  Kindly go away now and don't ever call me again.  There isn't ever a good time to talk to me.   I never feel like chit chatting about great new products for my business when I am in my car, which is where I spend much  of my so called life.

Mary wouldn't give up, she kept going with the script that she has probably rehearsed for hours.  I am sure she will get fired if she doesn't sell something.  She was taught how to overcome objections and how to deal with insane woman who drive down the street talking on the phone while dodging school buses, and avoiding small children and blind men.

I hung up on Mary.  She says she found my blog and she reads it.  Now would be a good time to tell Mary, not her real name, just how sorry I AM NOT  but I am thinking she will figure it out when she reads the post.

If you found my blog and want to sell me something forget it.  I don't buy anything ever, not even food.  If you are calling to ask me how I am, trust me I am fine.  You will get that answer every time you ask so don't ask again. My cell phone is for business.  If you are a client of mine you know I'll answer almost every time and if I don't I'll return your call promptly.

Thanks for listening.  I feel much better now.